


Boundless

by mistresslestrange



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Depression, F/F, Femslash, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I took the canon and kinda ran with it, Lydia-centric, Mental Health Issues, Trauma, but also a lot of love, females in love, mentions of drug use, so it might not be perfectly in line with the show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 04:19:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6838795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistresslestrange/pseuds/mistresslestrange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>"Do you trust me, Lydia?"</em><br/>What a ridiculous question. Trust was a false friend, something that could easily mean downfall and failure and Lydia Martin wasn't someone who trusted anyone.<br/>"Yes", she said and in her heart she knew it was true.</p><p> </p><p>Lydia learns that feelings aren't The Enemy and Allison takes care of the people she loves. This is pure, fluffy Hurt/Comfort with a side order of gruesome murder and pseudo artsy characterizations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boundless

We Are Boundless

 

 _How much blood could a human being lose before its body was completely drained?_  
How much would it take to fill a bath tub and - exactly how much would one need to drown in said bath tub, filled with another former living persons blood?  
Lydia blindly started at the scene before her. All she could see was red on red on brown on red and she developed the urge to take a brush and paint a memory with those exact colors. Maybe she could take the white-hot panic that seemed to eat up her brain, the stink of stale innards and warm dead flesh, the wetness of blood on her cheeks, her chins, her tongue, and put it all into a piece of art. Maybe then she could reclaim her brain again, be the ruler over her thoughts and actions.

Maybe then the nightmare would stop. The never ending nightmare that seemed to be her life.

Slowly she lifted one trembling hand. Her skin seemed to glow white in the darkness surrounding her, speckled with burning smears of unforgivable red.  
She dropped her hand.

The corpse in front of her seemed to stare at her. The head with its eyeballs bulging out of the sockets like a particularly dramatic cartoon character, looking directly into the laughable remains of her soul. That mouth, ripped open in an eternal scream, wanting to tell her a message. 'Why are you here', it seemed to ask, 'What makes you better than my murderer, staring at me with my blood all over yourself'  
She knew she should call for help. Take her phone, call Derek or Scott or hell, even Stiles, and let them deal with it.  
She should be cool, level headed. She wasn't, though.

She felt empty. 

As if all that blood surrounding her, wasn't that of the drained victim in front of her, but her own. As if her innards were strewn all over the field she was standing in, as if she was the one turned into the cruel mockery of a scarecrow on top of a dead corn field. Death seeped into her bones, made them ache and weep, like she wouldn't be able to hold her own weight for much longer.  
'Is that how it feels? Death?', she thought to herself. It must be. She was rotting from the inside out and there was no one there to help. She sank to the ground and lay on a bed of reddish brown crop, staring at the pitch black sky, feeling nothing.

*

Allison was brushing her teeth when she heard the vibrations of her phone on the nightstand. Irritated she set down the brush and spat in the sink.  
"If that's you again, Scott, I swear -", she mumbled to herself, angrily rubbing the towel over her mouth before she left the bathroom to get her phone.  
She told Scott that she didn't want to hear from him for a while, to sort things out and become clear with herself about a couple of things. She loved him, she did, but all Allison needed right now was space. 

They fought more and more often recently and it didn't seem to end. She was tired of his apologies every time they disagreed on something and parted on bad terms, even if she was the one in the wrong.  
She was angry with herself for being annoyed at Scott for being his nice, puppy-dog self but recently she couldn't stand it anymore. She thought it was what had drawn her to him - his pure, nice, gentle nature, how he worshiped her and couldn't even try to hide his love.  
But sometimes she felt more like the owner of a puppy and not a girlfriend and she needed a bit of time to herself to figure out what she wanted.

That Scott didn't seem to be able to accept this and kept trying to apologize for things he shouldn't even be apologizing for - it made her angry all over again.

"Scott, if this about -", she started hotly as she picked up her phone, but before she could start on a heated rant, she was interrupted.

"I'm so sorry for calling, Allison, I know you said you needed space and I accept that but this isn't about us"

Scott sounded like he just ran a mile, breath coming in irregular intervals and she could hear voices shouting in the background. One of them was definitely Derek telling someone to shut up, probably Stiles.

"What's wrong", she asked, a frown building quickly on her forehead.

"It's Lydia, she must have sleep walked again", he stopped and Allison already knew what he was about to say. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to shut down the panic building in her chest.

"There's a body", Scott confirmed her thoughts.

"Is she hurt?", she pressed out while already looking for the pants she had discarded earlier on.

Scott hesitated before he said, "She's Lydia", and that seemed to be that.

"Where are you?"

"Do you know that cornfield behind the dairy factory?"

"I'll be there in five"

Before he could say anything else, she hung up and threw on her clothes. Her heart raced and she needed to take a second and just breathe before leaving her room and darting down the stairs. She could hear her dad in the kitchen and yelled something to let him know where she was going. Later she couldn't even tell what lie she told him that night because all she could focus on was her best friend, caught up in the horrors of this damned town all over again. 

Scott’s answer was enough to insure her that no bodily harm had come to Lydia but she knew that it didn't let her unfazed. Allison just wanted to be with her, had the strong urge to just take her away from all the death she experienced almost weekly and -  
She jumped into her car and sped down the driveway with no eye for pedestrians or stray animals. It was way too late for even the most adventurous cats anyway, it was the time of the night were everything seemed empty and void of any living beings. Fitting atmosphere for the drive to a crime scene, to be with her Friend the Banshee, who saw death and screamed for it.

Sometimes she couldn't believe that this was anyone's life, but she wasn't one to dwell on what should and shouldn't be impossible. She was long over that stage of thought.  
With restless fingers tapping on the wheel she checked the backseat for the backpack she always kept there for late-night shenanigans just like this one. Being prepared was essential for survival in this town and she always needed to be ready.

When Allison finally arrived at the outskirts of the field she could already see Stiles' jeep and Derek's camaro parked with open doors, but nobody else in sight.  
When she put her car in Park and fished her backpack from behind her, she saw someone coming out of the mostly dead field.  
Her stomach tightened and she was ready to hide and take her bow before she noticed that it was just Scott, probably acting as her escort to the scene.  
Quickly she took her things and jogged to meet him.

"Where is she", she asked, making it clear that she was here for her best friend, not her - whatever Scott and she were at the moment anyway.

Scott closed his already opened mouth and look at her with his puppy eyes before nodding and turning around.

"Derek found her in the field after picking up her scent in the woods. She must have taken the short cut through it to get here. She's not hurt, don't worry", he added quickly while leading them through the dead plants.

'I still worry', she thought wildly. She couldn't believe how everyone seemed to think Lydia was some super-human being that not even the most gruesome death could touch. Allison knew better, but she didn't voice her thoughts. It would feel like betraying Lydia.

The rest of the way passed in an uncomfortable silence and when they reached the others she immediately sought out Lydia.  
She sat on the ground, wearing someone's jacket like a grotesque dress. Her creamy pale legs poked out underneath her and created a contrast to the red-ish brown ground. There were leafs stuck in her hair and dirt made it look more like ash than her usual strawberry blond. The expression on her face was stony and at the same time so endlessly empty. Allison’s heart ached just looking at her.

Quickly she approached her and sank down on her knees next to her friend.

"Lydia", she said and didn't know what to do with her hands now that she could see for herself that she was at least physically whole and healthy.

"Allison. Here to join the party as well, I see?", Lydia replied in the same tone she talked to her school acquaintances - with that cheery facade over dead emotions that had Allison always feeling on edge. She hated that it was directed at her.

"I'm here because Scott called and told me that they found you", she said.

Lydia looked into her eyes before letting her bored gaze drift to the sky. Allison didn't buy a second of it.

"So you and boy wonder are all sunshine and rainbows again, what a joy" That dead voice again. 

"No, Lydia, I came for you", she said and tried not to be irritated. They did have this discussion too often already - Lydia telling her that she deserved better than Scott and Allison disagreeing because she probably didn't even deserve him. Nice, friendly, soft Scott. Always there when she needed him, who put her on a pedestal and showered her with love.

How could she ever deserve better when she felt stifled and wronged by all of it. She often reminded herself of her own all consuming love in the beginning of their relationship. Sometimes it made her wonder where it went so quickly and if it was love after all.

"I'm fine", Lydia said and now her voice was as hard as granite. "I'm always fine"

'I don't believe you', Allison thought.

"I know", she said, and started picking leafs out of Lydia’s hair.

*

Lydia didn't know how to deal with affection, she never did. Probably because she hadn't learned what it meant to be treated with love and fondness. Her parents preferred to show their love through material things and she certainly wouldn't complain about her new Louboutins or the row of laptops, mobile phones and cars she'd been gifted by her mother and father. They both worked hard and made it clear that they wouldn't accept anything less than perfection from their only daughter. 

Social standard was a tricky thing and having a successful daughter who dated the captain of the winning school team, got into all the best schools of the country and looked flawlessly adequate all the time, were factors that definitely helped maintaining the spot at the top of the social ladder.  
Failure wasn't accepted and success a given. There was no room for hugs or heart-to-hearts when all around perfection was to be mastered.  
Lydia never had a problem with it. 

Hell, she preferred it that way. 

She didn't need all those feelings standing between her and her way to success. Family, friends, lovers - all just means to an end. (If she sometimes questioned what The End actually was, she never allowed herself to dwell on it).

Before Allison she never had a real friend. She never needed someone to 'talk to' and certainly hadn't met anyone she wanted to spend time with outside of her social schedule. She didn't see the point in pretending to care about what other people's opinions where on certain topics, what they wanted to achieve in life, what they struggled with and what they took joy in. Most people were so terribly dull.

Lydia always wondered what made Allison so special. From the second she saw her she wanted to get to know her, although she had looked just like every other boring nobody surrounding her every day. Huge doe eyes, brown curls, skinny. Pretty but nothing special. Not like Lydia herself, with her thick, blonde hair, symmetric facial features and perfect curves. 

Lydia just couldn't understand her own fascination and still struggled to understand why she was interested in what Allison had to say. She wanted to know everything about her, from her shoe size to her favorite color and it made her uncomfortable. She generally didn't like being out of her comfort zone of knowledge and power and this felt like free falling.

Lydia stared at Allison while she tugged at her hair. She was cold and dirty, on the inside more than on the outside, but something about the warm look in Allison's eyes seemed to fill the void she felt in her chest.  
She said she came here for Lydia, to make sure she was okay. She always came when Lydia screamed. She didn't say much, didn't look at her with varying degrees of pity and confused disgust like the others.

Sometimes Lydia felt untouchable, like there was a huge wall between her and everyone else that stopped touches before they could ever reach her, but not with Allison. She could feel her touch clearly on her scalp, rubbing dirt out of her hair.

"Why do you bother?", Lydia asked before she could form the words in her head.

Another thing Allison made her do - speak before she thought. What a scary thing to do.  
Allison looked up from her work and seemed to try and look through Lydia's eyes directly into the scraps of soul that were strewn haphazardly inside of her.

Instead of answering she grabbed Lydia's elbow and started to help her up.  
She wanted to protest but dots started dancing before her eyes and all of her concentration had to be focused on her legs holding her up.

"I'm taking Lydia home", Allison told the others, who were still poking around the body, with a strong voice.

Lydia could feel their stares but kept her eyes firmly on Allison's white blouse, now stained with the blood and grime that stuck to Lydia. It was a nice blouse and Lydia regretted being so dirty and ruining it for her. 

"Do you need help getting her to the car?", someone asked. Probably Derek. Not that Lydia cared, although she normally hated being talked about over her head as if she was an infant.

"I'll come. Need to call my dad anyway and I don't have a signal out here" 

Lydia heard steps and didn't need to look up to know that Stiles came over to where they stood.

"Stiles, I don't think -", Allison started but Lydia found herself interrupting her.

"It's okay. He can come"

After she threw her a look, Allison nodded once and removed one arm from around her waist. Lydia didn't bother to stop herself missing her touch. She didn't have the energy.  
She felt another arm around her, way thicker than Allison's bird-like limb, but just as strong. She could smell him next to her, scent already so familiar. Warm, like cinnamon, and slightly cheesy, but not necessarily unpleasant. She never would have thought that he would become someone she valued but here they were. His unfortunate crush long since averted, leaving them with two brains that thought much more alike than any of them would have thought.  
Stiles said something to the others, but Lydia didn't listen.

Slowly they made their way out of the damned field and she was glad. The body stayed behind them but she knew that it wouldn't leave her. Part of it was already absorbed into her very bones and there was no getting it out of her system. Death was part of her now.  
She noticed Stiles and Allison talking. Scott's name seemed to surface and Lydia didn't even try to grasp the words.  
She didn't want to hear about Scott. She didn't want to hear anything anymore.  
Except maybe Allison's stories about Parisian cafes that she and her mum used to frequent. Those were quite pleasant to listen to.  
Maybe she should go to Paris. Just fly away from the corpses that kept tormenting her. Maybe she could be happy then.  
Happiness was an odd thing, she thought. Nobody knew what it was or how to get it but everybody craved it still, in one way or another. She didn't think that she'd ever be able to touch it, even with a ten foot pole. Lydia Martin was a lot of things, but happy certainly wasn't one of them.

"Lydia! Lydia, can you hear me?"

Allison's face suddenly appeared in front of her eyes and disrupted her stare at the dark sky. The deep brown of her eyes seemed as black as the night around them. Like a black hole they demanded undivided attention, sucked and pulled at Lydia until she could feel herself falling. Uncontrolled.  
It was a good feeling, she decided.

"We are here"

Allison's voice acted as a string, tied around her abdomen and tugging her back over the surface, out of the black hole.  
She took a look around and realized that they weren't on the field anymore, but in Allison's car.  
Wordlessly she allowed Allison to lift her out of the seat by her arms. She felt like a doll, lifeless, a simple piece of dead matter to be arranged as desired. Stiles was nowhere to be seen. She wondered how much time she'd lost.  
They made their way over gravel to a heavy oak door, only lit by an automatic light bulb next to the porch.

"This isn't my house", Lydia said.

"It isn't", Allison agreed and proceeded to open the door. "I want you to stay with me tonight."

Something in Lydia wanted to protest. She wanted to be alone, wanted to shower and scrub herself raw until all of the traces from the night were gone and she could take some of her mother's pills to calm and numb herself. Sleep wouldn't be on the table. She couldn't trust herself not to wake and walk off without her consent all over again.

Allison seemed to feel her discomfort without a word being said. She stopped and placed the hand not occupied holding Lydia upright, on her cheek.  
The warmth of her palm felt like fire against Lydia's dead cheek.

"Let me take care of you, Lydia", she whispered with such a soft smile, that Lydia barely even saw it.

'What a strange concept', Lydia thought dazedly. Being taken care of was as foreign to her as experiencing affection.  
Her mother's voice rang in her ears, telling her that the only person able to take care of her was Lydia herself and that she couldn't trust anyone to do it for her.  
She also told her that love could be bought and friendship wasn't real but looking into Allison's eyes she wasn't so sure of the truth in her mother's words anymore.

Lydia nodded before she even realized she was doing it and was treated to one of Allison's most beautiful smiles. Dimples as deep as oceans and those laugh lines around her eyes that made Lydia want to watch as they ground themselves deeper into her skin with age until they would never fade.  
How she could have once thought that Allison was average in anything was beyond her understanding.

She was the most perfect creation in that moment and Lydia has always been one to appreciate art.

And that's what Allison was in Lydia's opinion: A stunning work of art, composed of deep, dark colors with specks of pure white and shadows broken by light and hidden truths that one couldn't see on first sight. Looking at her was like seeing the passion and vision of a romantic artist coming to life and Lydia couldn't imagine a thing more whole and complete.  
Perfection was always something she strove for, something she needed to achieve to suit her parents' and her own expectations. 

She felt like she was finally shown what true perfection required. Not a certain visually satisfying image paired with a social standing superior to all others, money and intelligence - no, it was found in the details that made up a person. Allison's smile, her clever wit, the deathly precision with which she carried her bow and herself, her warmth and that smell of dark wood and roses that she always seemed to leave in her wake. She didn't aim for perfection and yet Lydia couldn't deny that she was made up of it.

"Lydia, I'm going to take off your clothes. Is that okay?"

Again she was pulled up from her own black mind and found herself in Allison's bathroom.  
So much white around her. White tiles, white towels, white bathrobes, Allison.  
She felt even dirtier just by standing in this room. Like she was polluting the air, breathing death into the source of life.

"Yes"

Her body seemed to respond without her mind setting it up to. Another control she lost, but it was one she started losing long ago.  
She felt Allison's hands touching her skin when she lifted her arms and legs to peel of the grimy pajama that had barely protected her against the elements.  
Her hands were so sure. She had long fingers, Lydia noticed, distracting herself, not wanting to be pulled under again. Long, strong fingers with short nails that she always refused to get professionally done but always let Lydia put paint on. She knew those nails well, had always enjoyed putting pretty colors on Allison's pretty hands. 

Lydia found herself not caring that she was suddenly naked in front of her friend. Only wearing sticks and leafs like a freakish Halloween costume in front of the entire police department does things to a person's modesty.  
Back then she had felt exposed, so naked and bare and raw and disgusting like never before but right now - she felt save. Allison's hands, that she knew so well, that could kill a man twice her size, that could be so cruel and so soft at the same time, they made her feel secure. Protected.  
Without complaint she followed Allison to the tub that was filled with water. She hadn't noticed the tabs pouring water but now she could smell roses and lime and coconut, and the pureness almost overwhelmed her dead senses.

"I bought that for you"

Lydia didn't even feel her mouth moving.  
Allison smiled up to her from where she helped sliding Lydia's legs over the edge of the tub.

"You did. It's my favorite."

"Of course it is, I selected it" Her answer and what she felt didn't align but they seldom did. Allison seemed to understand anyways because she kept smiling that beautiful smile of hers and warmth seemed to seep out of Lydia's heart and over to the rest of her organs. 

Lydia gave her that bath salt just a few weeks after she decided to befriend her. Even then she felt the odd compulsion to present Allison with nice things and when she smelled a new concoction at the Bath & Body Works, she was reminded of Allison's sweetness so starkly that she couldn't not get it for her.  
Bathing in it herself now made her feel like she was coating her skin in Allison and the grime left her insides faster than it ever did ever before. No scrubbing could ever clean her dirty pit of a soul but somehow sitting in a tub, surrounded by Allison's smell and feeling Allison's hands in her hair, gently massaging and cleaning all the same, she started to feel almost clean once again.

How couldn't one be cleansed when touching perfection? 

She only hoped that her own dirt would never touch Allison.  
Slowly the feeling in her legs and arms came back to her and the water felt like burning flames on her cold skin. She hissed slowly and wished the numbness back.

"It will be better soon, I promise", Allison said, probably sensing what had Lydia so distressed.

"It wont", Lydia replied. "Sooner or later someone else will kill and I can't trust my body not to abandon me to go looking for the corpse. I will wake up and be covered in blood and I can't do anything but scream until I pass out. Even by day I have visions of death, Allison. Sometimes I feel like _I am_ death and I don't think one can run from that"

Talking hurt her throat but the words leave her anyways. She couldn't keep them in, no matter how hard she tried.  
It had happened before - her words fleeing without consent in Allison's presence. She knew about her frustration with her parents, about the pills that always seem to find their way into Lydia's hands, about the time she didn't want to sleep with a boy anymore, after already being half undressed, and him continuing anyways. 

Allison knew more of her insides than anyone else and Lydia was certain that she would understand how damaged Lydia's soul was one day and then Allison would leave. Lydia didn't know how she would deal with that, she had never lost someone dear to her because she had never cared about anyone.  
Allison didn't say anything for a few seconds but then her fingers slowly left Lydia's head.  
Cold dread settled in her bones again and she felt her dead heart starting to beat in a dreadful race before she realized that Allison wasn't leaving, but merely changing position next to the bathtub. Her knees must hurt on the hard floor, the carpet doing nothing to cushion the hard tiles.  
Again she felt Allison's beautiful hands touch her face, her fingers warming now both cheeks, forcing her to look into her determined face.

"Do you trust me, Lydia?"

What a ridiculous question. Trust was a false friend, something that could easily mean downfall and failure and Lydia Martin wasn't someone who trusted anyone. 

"Yes", she said and in her heart she knew it was true. How she ended up with all those fragile feelings after living a satisfactory life without letting them influence her, she didn't know. What she did know was that she trusted Allison not just with her life but her soul, or the fragments left of it. It felt like second nature, really.

"Then trust me to take care of you. I will protect you, Lydia." Her eyes took on a wild look of determination and a steel cold hardness that Lydia had only seen in her when she lifts a bow and aims her deathly arrows at an enemy. 

"You are save with me, Lydia, no harm will come to you when I can prevent it."

Thing is, Lydia believed her. She knew that Allison didn't lie, that she meant what she said. And still.

"How can you save me from myself when I can't even control my own body, Allison?"

She was rotten and dead and out of control. Lydia couldn't hope for safety from her own limbs.

"I can try", Allison said and the grim look in her eyes and eyebrows didn't leave any room for doubts. 

Again it felt like Lydia's insides started to warm, which was a strange thing to happen to her.  
They didn't say anything else while Allison scrubbed down Lydia's body with a soft loofah and when she helped her out of the tub Lydia felt better. Actually better and not a drug hazy, scrubbed-almost-bloody, pseudo-peacefulness.

Allison wrapped a silky bathrobe around her shoulders after she dried her with some towels and together they made their way out of the en suite bathroom and into Allison's dimly lit room.  
The only light source was the antique lamp on the wooden nightstand next to her queen size bed. It made Lydia feel even more unreal than she already did but she was thankful to be spared the unforgiving light of the big bulbs on Allison's ceiling.

Before she knew it she was tucked in heavy sheets and alone.  
She was quite sure that Allison told her that she was only changing clothes and cleaning up herself and that she'd be back in a tick but Lydia couldn't be sure of what her senses told her right now. Maybe she imagined it all and she'd never see Allison again.  
In the half darkness of the room that fear seemed exceedingly valid and she only just resisted the urge to rush out of the bed and look for Allison or scream for her or _something_ along those lines.

She kept the dramatics down to a nervous pulling of lose threads on the sheets, though.  
Lydia was only faintly familiar with nervousness. Now it seemed to consume her.  
But fortunately she was saved from being pulled back into the irrational fear and darkness by Allison emerging from the en suite, dressed in pajama pants and a shirt the color of an ocean falling victim to an unforgiving storm. It was strangely calming.

"Is it okay if I sleep in the bed with you? I could take the couch, if -"

"Please stay" The words were gone so quickly this time she barely even registered them as her own.

Allison's cheekbones seemed extra high in the lightning and Lydia could see a ripe redness rising on her pale cheeks.  
It was lovely, yet confusing. Lydia did not like being confused but she couldn't help it right now.  
She tried to silence her noisy brain for once and watched Allison climbing into her bed and sliding under the covers. The heat of her bare legs immediately spread over to Lydia's own, through the thick fabric of the woolen pajama Allison put on her.  
She wanted more of that warmth, but didn't know how to ask. For all that her words seemed to leave her so quickly tonight, they wouldn't line up to a proper question. How does one ask for something without having anything to give in return? Lydia couldn't offer Allison anything except a jigsaw of a soul with more missing and damaged pieces than whole. Worthless.

"Why are you doing this", Lydia finally asked. 'Why are you taking care of something dead when it will only stain you with its rotten grasp', she wanted to ask instead.

Allison looked at her, those huge doe eyes glimmering in the low light, a smile curving her cheeks again and Lydia couldn't fathom why she would be worthy of it.

"Because I want to.",she said like it was obvious. Not to Lydia.

"Why"

"Because you deserve being taken care of. You deserve love and kindness, Lydia." Her smile turned slightly sad. "You are one of the most important people in my life. My dad and you are the only people I love left in this world and I protect what I love. I couldn't save my mom or my aunt and I can see that now. But I can save you, Lyds."

"What if I can't be saved? What if I'm already gone, Allison?"

Two times Allison used the word 'love' to describe her and it didn't make any sense. How could she possibly love her?

"But you aren't, Lydia!" She shimmied up the bed into a sitting position and fixated Lydia with a hard look. "You are the strongest person I know and I couldn't imagine you ever being defeated by anything, especially not yourself. I am here to help you fight this, Lydia. You are stronger than this supernatural bullshit and I am too."

Lydia stared up at her, unblinking. "How can you be so sure?"

Allison's hard gaze softened and she took Lydia's hand in her own, softly squeezing it.

"I just know that we can be boundless together. I know you, Lydia Martin, and you know me. Better than anyone. We can fight this together."

Lydia wanted to believe her, wanted to be the strong person that could match Allison's willpower and strength but she wasn't sure she had it in her.  
Sure, she could fake it. Faking it was part of her daily life, just like having cereal for breakfast.  
But she doubted that she could actually be someone else than she was right now - a shell of girl, slowly wasting away, ruined by death itself.

"I don't want to be alone", was somehow what came out of her mouth in the end.

"You aren't alone. You will never have to be alone again if you don't want to. I am here." 

With that Allison slid over to her and cautiously put her thin arms around her, pulling her in.  
Lydia's head came to rest on her chest and she was somehow on her belly, half on top of Allison, and they cuddled. Lydia never cuddled.  
It seemed like something had shifted between them tonight. Allison had never seen Lydia so devoid of any social masks before, had never seen her true ugly face and still she lay here with Lydia, held her close in the darkness and Lydia felt save. She closed her eyes and slept.

*

Allison lay awake long after Lydia's breath had evened out. She looked down at the girl in her arms.  
Lydia had never seemed so fragile before. Allison had known that her friend wasn't always the strong power-barbie she pretended to be, that there was so much more underneath the surface.

Tonight was proof of that. Allison had seen her more than once after she found a body and screamed but she was never this traumatized. Or maybe Allison just didn't see it and it made her angry that it took her so long to recognize the true state of Lydia's brilliant mind.  
Taking care of her, bringing her home and bathing her, had felt so right to Allison. She couldn't even explain it to herself, but in that moment she just knew that she was in the right place. Next to Lydia, providing her with stability and love.

She thought of Scott and how she felt in his presence. When they first started dating he was all she could think about. She loved standing on that damned pedestal, loved being worshiped and loved so intensely and later rebelling against her family by dating 'the enemy'.  
But did it feel right? Allison couldn't tell anymore.  
She knew in her soul that he wasn't the one for her and that she wasn't worthy of him. She wasn't the girl he needed, would never be able to fully appreciate his kindness.

It annoyed her that she was so much like her aunt in this. As if she couldn't process pure, easy love and always looked for something more.  
Absentmindedly she played with strands of strawberry hair and breathed in the subtle notes of coconut and lime paired with earthy sweetness clinging to Lydia.  
Stiles had approached her earlier when they took Lydia to the car. At first she thought that he just wanted a chance to get his hands on Lydia and attempted to stop him but Lydia didn't mind. Soon she realized that Stiles didn't come because of his pathetic crush but because he wanted to talk to Allison about Scott. 

'He loves you, Allison', he said quietly.  
'I know', she had replied.  
'He will understand'

Allison remembered the look in his eyes when he spoke. Like he knew that she didn't feel the same way anymore, like he could reach the bottom of her soul just by taking one glance at her.  
He hadn't been the same kid she got to know when she moved to Beacon Hills. Then again, neither of them were the same anymore. She would do good to remember that.

'He doesn't deserve to be put on the bench, Allison. Tell him.', he had continued when she didn't know what to say.  
'I don't want to hurt him', her voice lower than a whisper.  
'Scott is strong, he'll get over it. Don't make it worse by keeping him on a long leash because we both know he'll wait for you as long as you keep him close. I don't want to see him reduced to that. He deserves better'  
'Yes', Allison had said, 'He does'

Not a word had been spoken after that. They put Lydia in the passenger seat of Allison's car and gave each other a firm nod before Stiles wandered off to call his dad and Allison joined Lydia in the car.  
Stiles was right, she knew. Scott should be free to find a nice girl for himself who wouldn't realize months into the relationship that she felt wrong and caged in her own lovers arms. But it would also mean leaving behind one of the only good things in her life. With the death of her mother, the realization that both her aunt and grandfather were insane and the world full of supernatural creatures - well, Scott was such a beacon of happiness and goodness and maybe she wanted some of that to transfer onto her. Maybe she had hoped that her own darkness would just fade away in his presence.

Allison sighed. Maybe it was time to accept that she had lied to herself. She knew that she would never be the innocent girl next door that she so desperately wanted to be.  
Allison looked down at Lydia's sleeping form. Tonight had showed her once and for all that she wasn't alone in her darkness. She wondered how she hadn't seen it earlier and now all she could think about was shedding the skin she tried to fit in for so long and just - be.

*

Lydia woke to orange light painting everything around her in a reddish hue, reflecting on polished furniture and antique mirrors.  
For a second she felt disoriented, didn't know where she was and could feel panic rising in her chest - but then something behind her moved. A warm, soft body, emitting a smell she knew better than any other. Only then she noticed the arm snaked around her abdomen, holding her close, and the even, moist breaths on her neck.

Slowly she breathed in. Breathed out. In again. Out.

"Good morning, Lydia"

Allison's voice was rough from sleep. Lydia already knew her deep waking voice from the sleepovers they had had, but never did she feel it right next to her ear, on the sensitive skin of her neck.  
A shiver rose from the base of her spine and she couldn't help the blinding want she felt in that moment.

"Allison", she said eventually for a lack of anything better to say.

What was there to say anyway? She broke down in front of her closest friend, shattered into the pieces she was made up of these days. How does one address such a humiliation?  
Lydia was stuck between the strong urge to flee, to run away from the evidence and the witness of her weakness, and to snuggle deeper into Allison's arms. She never felt so exposed and safe at the same time and she didn't know how to deal with that. 

"How are you feeling?" Allison's voice was quiet, but so so strong. Lydia wanted to latch onto that strength and just hold, hold, hold.

"Peachy", Lydia replied. 

After a beat of silence Allison's arm moved and before she knew what was happening, she found herself lying on her back, staring right up into Allison's big, searching eyes. She looked serious, no dimples in sight.

"We don't need to talk about what happened yesterday night", she said and lifted the hand not holding Lydia in place, to brush one strawberry blonde strand of hair behind Lydia's ear, leaving a path of prickling heat behind on her cheek. "- but I want you to know that I won't go anywhere. You've got me, Lydia, I stand to what I said: I will protect you. We can be strong together." 

Lydia felt as if she should doubt her. It seemed so ridiculous to think they had a chance to fight the supernatural, to fight death, and come out alive. Neither of them could be protected from what happened in Beacon Hills, and still -

"Okay", she said, because what else was there to say. She trusted Allison with her secrets, her soul, her life. She could see now how much she craved Allison and her steady confidence and she wasn't selfless enough to back away. She knew Allison deserved better than her but if her friend wanted to stay with her, then she would do her best to ensure that she did.

They didn't talk much more after that. Lydia's exhausted mind making her fall asleep over and over again, always in Allison's arms.

* 

The sun was setting again when she finally woke up feeling restored and awake instead of half dead.  
She was also alone.  
A quick glance at the clock told her that it was close to 8 pm and she wondered what her parents thought were she was. If they even noticed her absence.  
Sighing she sat up, rubbing her temples when the sudden movement caused her vision to blur.  
That's when she heard a noise coming from downstairs.

She led out a relieved breath and took a second to realize that she had been holding it in the first place. She wondered when she had become so dependent on another person and couldn't help feeling uncomfortable for it. A voice in her head, that sounded suspiciously like her mother, told her in narrow words how naive she was to attach herself to another person like that.  
Then she remembered Allison telling her that she wouldn't leave her, that they could be strong together and it helped pushing the voice away.  
She could see it now, is the thing. A clear head without exhaustion and trauma clouding her mind finally let her analyse last night's happenings.  
Yes, she failed at hiding the extent of her trauma and let Allison see her at her most vulnerable. Yes, she had humiliated herself by not even being able to bath herself. 

But Lydia couldn't deny that she wasn't as annoyed by her own behavior as she thought she would be. Or should be.  
Allison taking care of her, making her feel warm and alive again - it left her feeling strangely comforted. And Lydia Martin didn't do comfort.  
Allison seemed to take one look at all of Lydia's rules and limits and destroyed them with dangerous ease. She brought out something new in Lydia, something soft and glowing and she couldn't say that she found it all that unpleasant.  
Allison had said that they could be boundless together and Lydia knew she was right. They could be. Allison's strength and deadly force of will would create an explosive cocktail when combined with Lydia's sharp intelligence and controlling manipulation. 

She remembered thinking of flying away that night when it happened.  
Maybe she could take Allison with her. Leave death and sorrow behind and be great together. 

A slow smile lifted the corners of Lydia's mouth. She couldn't remember when she smiled her last honest smile.  
Slowly, to avoid another dizzy spell, she got up from the bed and walked over to the heavy wooden door.  
Her bare feet slapped loudly on the polished steps when she descended the stairs leading to the imposing foyer of the Argent residence.  
She could hear Allison in the kitchen, the sizzling of food being prepared in hot oil and her talking without receiving any replies.  
When Lydia entered the kitchen, her eyes immediately sought out Allison, standing at the stove stirring in a pot while holding a phone to her ear. 

"- not your fault. I'm sorry, Scott, but I stand to what I said earlier. No, you didn't do anything wrong, as I said - this is on me, not you. I know that, Scott, but it doesn't change anything."

Frowning Lydia watched as Allison turned down the heat and put a lid on whatever it was she was preparing.  
She wore a pair of leggings and a dark blue sweater that Lydia had got her for her last birthday. She turned around when Lydia took another step into the kitchen and Lydia could only think about how magnificent she looked, even with a halfhearted pony tail and mascara smudged under her eyes.  
Allison smiled when she saw her, dimples and all, and Lydia did her best not to frown about the tingling sensation in her stomach. Butterflies were for 12 year olds and fools, after all.

"I gotta go, Scott. Please stop calling me, I won't change my mind. It's for the best, trust me. Bye"

"Boy wonder still not accepting the ... break?", Lydia asked as nonchalant as possible.

"Scott came by earlier today", Allison answered and gestured to the small breakfast table next to the large window overlooking the quiet street. "Please sit"  
Lydia sat down.

"I asked him to come", she continued and Lydia did her best not to feel a silly sense of jealousy at that. Why would Allison need her puppy when Lydia slept upstairs in her bed? Silly, silly thoughts, she knew.

"I had to tell him face to face that I don't want a relationship with him anymore. He deserved at least that"

Lydia couldn't help being surprised at that. She watched Allison as she opened the lid again. Her shoulders were straight as always and she didn't seem sad about breaking up with her high school sweetheart. 

"Why did you end it", Lydia asked. She always thought that Allison deserved better than Scott McCall but she never seemed to agree with her and insisted on being one half of that pathetically infatuated couple that everyone in school cooed over.

Allison took a bowl out of a cupboard and filled it with steaming hot soup. She then set it in front of Lydia, complete with spoon and a piece of bread.  
It was a simple dish, vegetables in broth with tofu and noodles, but Lydia knew it would taste wonderfully, just like everything Allison created in the kitchen.

"Eat. You haven't eaten in way too long", Allison said and sat down across from her. 

Lydia ate and hummed appreciatively, basking in it when Allison beamed at her in response.  
It was quiet for a while, Lydia's spoon scraping the bowl the only noise disturbing the silence.

"I don't love him anymore, Scott I mean. I'm not sure I ever really did" Allison stared out of the window, a thoughtful expression on her delicate face. "He was just ... convenient, you know? God, that sounds horrible. Its just - He loved me so unconditionally and I wanted that. I didn't know about my family being hunters and about the supernatural in general back then but I knew that I wasn't exactly normal either. I wanted to be."

"And now you don't?"

Allison looked away from the window and over to where Lydia abandoned her empty bowl.  
She stood to get her a refill and seemed to think over her answer.  
When she sat down again, putting another bowl of steaming broth in front of Lydia, she said, "Now I can accept that I am not normal and that I have to stop trying to be the girl I wanted to be for Scott. I am not that girl."

"Then what kind of girl are you, Allison?", Lydia asked, ignoring the food in favor of staring into her friend's endlessly deep eyes.

"It's time to find that out, don't you think?", Allison smirked and there they were again, those mesmerizing dimples. Lydia found herself overwhelmed with the sudden desire to lick them.

"I can't wait", Lydia answered and smiled a real, honest to god smile.

Maybe happiness wasn't a concept too far out of reach, after all.

* 

During the next week they developed a system. Lydia would either sleep over at Allison's or she would come to her. During the day they would text every five minutes at least and Lydia found herself sending messages way more often than that. She never saw much sense in texting, was always one to call and get straight answers quicker, but it was ... kind of nice. Allison texted her what she did all day, if it was cooking or cleaning or watching TV shows or shooting arrows at targets. She would ask how Lydia was feeling, what she was up to and if she needed anything. It was strange at first, but slowly she got used to talking honestly about herself. Allison cared, Allison didn't lie and Allison would protect her. 

She never would have thought that she could just open up to someone over a text message of all things, but she found herself confiding in her friend when she was tempted to grab her mom's pills or when she thought she was about to lose control over her body again.

Allison was always there when she needed her, always knew what to say to make Lydia feel saner, better.  
It was ridiculous and there was still a part of Lydia that doubted the efficiency of their new arrangement. Letting people in the way she was doing now, would hurt her in the long run. How could anything be worth the pain that origins from being left alone, from ones trust being betrayed?

More often than not she debated that particular argument with herself and even her parents noticed that she wasn't as alert as usual.

"Where is your head, Lydia? Did that Argent girl get you into trouble again? If so you should tell us now, so that we can call Mrs Powers", her mother asked one night at the dinner table.

"I don't need a lawyer, mother.", she said and kicked herself for being so distracted. "Everything is fine"

"Good, keep it that way. You can't afford any more failures so close to graduation"

"Yes, mother"

And that was that.  
She had to figure this out and soon. 

Unfortunately, she wasn't given much time.

Barely two weeks after her breakdown she screamed again.  
It was the first night that Allison couldn't be with her because she promised her dad to spend the evening with him. Father - daughter bonding; not that Lydia new anything about that.

She thought she would be fine. Nothing had happened since That Night and she always woke like she fell asleep: save and sound in Allison's protective arms.  
But tonight Lydia could already feel an uneasiness deep in her gut. It made her feel sick and she was glad she skipped dinner. Lying down helped but only so much.  
With unblinking eyes she stared at her flawlessly white ceiling and tried to fight the terror that started to work its way up her throat.  
She knew it was about to happen. Allison had said that she was strong enough to control it. They had practiced so much during past few days - anything they could find online and the bestiary, but mainly yoga and meditation to help Lydia get a sense of her insides.  
It had helped, she now knew. She tried to center herself, to throw an anchor to hold on to reality.

Never before was she able to sense her oncoming vision, but now she could feel it creeping up her spine.  
Lydia tried to be rational about this. If she could feel it coming after only two weeks of practicing, she had to be able to control it. She had to.  
Slowly, without taking her eyes from the ceiling, she reached for her phone and dialed Allison's number without hesitation. She picked up almost immediately.

"Lydia, is everything-"

"It's coming", she managed to say before her anchor failed her and she was drawn into the dark abyss that she was all to familiar with by now.

*

"Shit!"

Allison jumped from where she sat and all but ran out of the dining room.

"I'm sorry, Dad, it's an emergency, gotta go", she yelled over her shoulder.

She could hear her dad protesting and coming after her but all she could think about was Lydia's dead voice over the phone.

"It's coming", she'd said and Allison had no doubt about what exactly it was.  
She grabbed her bag with the arrows and her sturdiest shoes. Before she could slip into them and rush out the door, though, she felt an iron grip around her biceps.

"Allison", her dad said and stared her down with that icy look in his eyes that meant grounding or firearms or both.

"What is going on", it wasn't a question, more of a demand, really.

"It's Lydia, she -"

But before Allison could say anything else, a horrible scream pierced through the dead of the night. It tuned out all other noises and made her ears burn white hot.

" _I need to find her_ ", she said and ripped free from her dad's grasp.

She was never out the door and in her car faster than she was now. Even before she hit the road she had her phone on her ear again, dialing.

"Allison"

"Did you hear her?"

"Yes, I already mobilized the pack. Derek is out checking the woods, Erica and Boyd took the outskirts of town and Isaac and Scott the central. I'm on my way to her house"

"Good, I'll meet you there. Call me if anything happens"

"Will do"

It was lucky that it was so late at night, because she couldn't say for sure that she would have slowed her speed for pedestrians.  
The way to Lydia's house was second nature to her already but it never seemed so far.  
Fear was nagging at her relentlessly. What if she couldn't get to Lydia in time? She promised to protect her, but what if she failed?  
She shook her head determinedly. Being negative and imagining the worst wouldn't do her any favors. She needed to concentrate on what was happening right now and that was her arriving at the Martin Mansion.

Wheels screeching to a hold she parked more or less on the drive way, next to Stiles' jeep.  
He was already outside, walking cycles while talking to himself.

"She isn't here", Stiles yelled at her when she jumped out of the car.

"Shit"

Allison had hoped that Lydia would be able to stay put but after only two weeks of preparation it was amazing that she even felt it coming.

"Do you know where she could've gone? You've been pretty close the past couple of weeks, right? I mean not _close_ close but - no, wait, are you close-close? If yes then I want you to know that I won't judge but I think that makes the Scott-situation even more -"

"Stiles!"

"Sorry, sorry, I'm focusing. So where else could she be? Any ideas?"

Allison huffed frustrated. "I don't know. You have seen how she can't control those things. She sees death and then she goes looking for it - she could be anywhere by now!"

Stiles groaned and kicked the wheel of his car. "There must be something we can do!"

Allison felt helpless and she hated it with a passion.  
She had promised Lydia that she would protect her but she let her out of her sight and now she was as useless to her as all the times before!  
She has been naive to believe that she could keep Lydia safe just by being at her side all the time. Lydia didn't need a guard dog, if she did she would have picked one of the werewolves.

No, Lydia was strong, stronger than she herself knew and Allison had to believe in her.  
All she could do was be with her when Lydia resurfaced from whatever horror she saw this time and do her best to help her recover from it.

"Maybe we should -", Stiles began but was interrupted by the sharp bite of Allison's ringtone.

With the speed of lightning she shoved her hand into her bag and picked it up before even looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Allison? Allison it's me, I -"

" _Lydia_?", Allisons heart started beating even faster than it did before and a wild hope started blooming in her chest.

"I don't know where I am. Please come, Allison, please, I - I can't hold it off for much longer" 

Lydia's voice was shaking, nothing left of her usual demeanor.

"Lydia, tell me what you see around you, anything"

Allison saw Stiles whipping on the balls of his feet, always fidgeting.

"Trees. I - I think there is street. I can hear cars and - a train? God, I don't know, Allison please come!"

She had never heard Lydia so distressed and it grated on her. All she wanted was to be with her.

"We will find you Lydia, I will be with you. You are doing so good, love. Can you go to the street and wait there?"

"Yes. Just ... come. Soon. I don't know how long I can control it"

"I will get you, Lydia, I promise. Remember what I told you, okay? I'm protecting the people I love and I keep my promises"

"Allison-"

The line went dead and Allison let out a frustrated yell.

"What did she say? Do you know where she is? Did she find a body?"

Stiles was positively bouncing on his soles now, but his face seemed weirdly focused, his eyes burning into hers with only a hint of panic.

"She said she could see trees and that there was a street and that she heard a train, do you know -"

"Get in the car, I know where she is"

*

Lydia was shivering all over but she didn't know if it was from the cold or the terror.  
There was no corpse this time, not physically at least. It was burned on the walls of her brain, though, and she felt the pull that tried to get her to the body.  
She had seen, felt, the distress of the victim, had heard every scream, even the sickening crack of breaking bones. When she closed her eyes it was as if she was standing in front of the mangled thing that was once a woman. Legs not where legs were supposed to be, lungs dangling from their cage, bowels covering the floor in an unidentifiable, pulpy mess. She tried not to close her eyes; stared straight ahead down the street instead, eyes unblinking. They burned and she felt tears running down her cheeks but she didn't care.

When she had fallen into unconsciousness this time it hadn't been as deep as it usually was, the emptiness of her soul not as bottomless and vast.  
She had vague thoughts of warmth, of love filling her and it made her stay afloat.  
She had been able to slowly fight her way up again, had found herself in the woods, as she often did, but no corpse in sight.  
It was exhausting to not just let go again. Her body seemed torn between its instinct to go and find death, and Lydia's mind attempting to stay the director of her own actions. It was as if she was being pulled on both arms, threatening to rip apart. 

She tightened the grip on her dead phone. Allison would come for her. Lydia's entire being longed for her strong arms around her, for her comforting smell and calming voice. She needed to see Allison's lovely, lovely face, maybe its perfection would help to chase Death away. 

The doubt speaking her mother's tongue told her that she was pathetic, again. Told her that she should get her shit together instead of basking in her own weakness and waiting for a knight in shining armor to come and save the day.  
Lydia reminded herself of Allison lying in her bed, holding her in her arms, while the questionable heroes of one those ridiculous shows she made Lydia watch, fought a bad guy. It was medieval Britain and there was magic involved somehow but Lydia had given up on following the incredible dense plot long ago, instead mapping out all of the moles and hairs on Allison's pale forearm.

"Are you my knight, Allison?",she had asked when Allison turned off the TV after the hero in question had swept his lady up from the floor for a kiss, celebrating his victory.

"Yep. Shining armor and all", she had grinned and Lydia had buried her thumb in one of those irresistible dimples.

Lydia smiled at the memory. Smiled while sitting alone in the forest, dirty and cold and she smiled because Allison was coming for her. Allison would be here and she would be the strength Lydia needed to maintain control. 

Slowly she breathed in, all the way down to her belly button, like they practiced every day. She breathed out until nothing was left, waited, breathed in again.  
She found her center, rooted herself to the ground and waited.  
It wasn't long until she could see the headlights of a car approaching. She heard the telltale rumble of Stiles' jeep and tried to talk her numb muscles into moving her up from the ground.

It worked, barely, and she had to hold on to the trunk of a tree to keep her balance.  
The jeep held right in front of her. Before Stiles could even kill the engine, Allison jumped out of the passenger seat and finally, finally, Lydia was home again.  
Allison wrapped her arms around her waist and neck and Lydia found herself pressed into the arch of her throat.  
Roses and lime and wood, the smell Lydia came to associate with safety and that made her feel so calm now.

"Oh god, Lydia, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have left you, I'm so sorry"

"It's okay" Lydia's voice was raspy and it hurt her throat to talk but she couldn't let Allison believe that it was her fault that Lydia lost control again. Not when she was the only reason she had surfaced again.

"Are you hurt?", Allison asked and stepped away far enough to take a look at Lydia.

The lack of warmth made her shudder.

Lydia shook her head. "Take me home?", she asked and she didn't even care where Allison brought her, as long as she was with her.

"Of course" Allison nodded and wound one arm around Lydia's waist.

Another arm, accompanied with the smell of cinnamon and cheese, helped securing her on her feet and it felt like the night in the corn field all over again - Allison on one side, Stiles on her other.  
Nobody said anything until they reached the car, not even Stiles.  
Allison helped her into the backseat and sat down next to her. 

"Lydia's?", Stiles asked and Allison confirmed while encasing Lydia with her arms again.  
Lydia snuggled into her warmth and was overwhelmed by the need to never ever leave again. 

She vaguely noticed Stiles calling Derek while taking various shortcuts through the sleeping town, telling him where they found her. 

"The body is further north of where you found me. I could feel the pull coming from there. I think it was near the rails.", she said and coughed. Her throat felt like it was on fire and her head started spinning again.

Stiles looked at her through the rear mirror with furrowed brows before repeating what she said to Derek.  
Feeling like she did her Good Deed Of The Day she closed her eyes and rested her head on Allison's bony shoulder.  
She felt her hand coming up to her hair, combing through the strands, loosing knots and freeing leafs.

"You did so well, Lydia", she whispered in her ear and Lydia smiled, couldn't help but being stupidly pleased. "You are so strong"

The rest of the ride was silent except for Stiles bickering with Derek on the phone. Lydia didn't bother listening.  
When they arrived at her house she felt tired and exhausted to her very bones but it wasn't the same feeling she had after the other times.  
She didn't feel the need to scrub herself bloody and force her body to stay awake to avoid wandering off again.

Tonight all she wanted was a bed and Allison and to sleep until she couldn't anymore.

They walked to the house together, so closely wrapped up in one another that Lydia wasn't sure where she started and where Allison ended.  
Stiles told her that he hoped that she'll feel better soon and she thanked him. Then he drove off into the night, probably finding his alpha in the woods to look at the body that had Lydia screaming. 

He took all of his nervous energy with him and they were left with silence. Lydia breathed.

"Your parents still in Liechtenstein?"

Lydia nodded and watched as Allison opened the door.  
They made their way up to Lydia's bathroom and took turns in the shower. Allison seemed reluctant to leave her alone so she told her to stay. Nothing she hadn't seen before anyway. Being naked in front of Allison had never made her feel exposed, not even at her most vulnerable. She could feel her gaze on her but when she looked in her direction Allison had her eyes firmly on the stack of towels near the door.  
Lydia smiled. She didn't think she had ever smiled so often in a single night and considering that she had another episode just hours prior, she almost couldn't believe that this was real.

That Allison was real.

Later they buried themselves under Lydia's thick blankets, huddled even closer together than they usually were.  
Lydia's legs were entangled with Allison's, their arms and hands and fingers combined in complicated knots, Lydia's head resting on Allison's chest.  
She could feel her breath on her cheek and forehead and couldn't remember when she felt more content than she did right in this moment.

"Thank you", she said after they lay awake in the dark for a while. She could already see the horizon taking on a soft orange hue in the distance. "For coming for me"

"I was too late. I'm still sorry for that"

Lydia shook her head. "You are the only reason I was able to take back control, so don't apologize to me. You came for me, that's all that counts"

"I will always come for you, Lydia"

"I know"

And she did. 

*

When they woke the next day it was evening again and it was to Allison's father sticking his head into the room. Lydia could hear them talking but was still too fuzzy with sleep to make out more than a few words.  
He was gone again soon enough and Lydia yawned, slowly opening her eyes.  
During the night her head had migrated next to Allison's on the pillow and while they were still entangled as if they were one rather than two beings, they could look at each other now.

"Good morning", Allison said in that rough voice of hers that made Lydia feel tingly all the way from her scalp down to the tips of her toes. "Sorry if my dad woke you. He worries a lot" She lifted one shoulder in a shrug.

"It's alright", Lydia said and tried to capture the image in front of her and store it away, deep in her mind, for her to take out and cherish when she didn't have the original. Allison, lying next to her with messy hair, eyes misty from sleep, a contend smile on her perfect face and the evening sun coming from the window behind her, letting her glow in vibrant reds.

Lydia wanted to paint again. Wanted to physically create this chaotic feeling in her chest that seemed to make her heart attempt to punch through her rib cage; wanted to keep it forever.

"How are you feeling?"

Lydia thought about the question. Slowly lifting one hand to stroke the impossibly soft skin of Allison's cheek, she took notice of all the emotion causing a riot in her soul.

"I feel ... save,", she finally said, her hand coming to a rest on Allison's neck, right behind her ear. "Protected. Cared for."

"You are.", Allison said. 

"I feel ..." It showed how far Lydia already left the path laid out for her by her parents and society, that she accepted the truth in what she was about to say next: "I feel loved. I feel like I can do anything with you by my side. I feel like we could be boundless together."

Allison's smile grew so big, Lydia thought it impossible that her dimples could leave her rosy cheeks ever again.  
They were already so close that it didn't take a lot of leaning forward on either of their part.  
They kissed for the first time, but it felt like they already did it a million times. It felt so right in that moment, so logical, that Lydia wondered why it took them so long to get to this point. 

Allison's lips were soft and sweet and Lydia knew she should be put off by the morning breath lingering between them, but she couldn't even pretend to care.

"Is this okay?", Allison whispered against her lips and instead of answering Lydia pulled her in again, this time parting her lips and tasting the delicate skin beneath her tongue. 

She wanted to explore everything. Allison's mouth, her skin, her soul. She wanted everything and she knew that she could have it.  
Never had another human being been so interesting to her, so enticing. Allison was the exception to so many of her rules and she was everything Lydia could ever want or need.

"Stay with me", Lydia said.

"I won't go anywhere, love" 

They kissed again. Tongues meeting in a sugary sweet dance and Lydia felt light as feather. Weightless and grounded at the same time.  
Later they would sit on the roof together, staring at the stars, connected by their joined hands and touching legs. 

"I'm yours", Lydia would whisper, never closer to a declaration of love, but not feeling afraid of it anymore.  
Allison would understand, as she always did. "And I am yours"

Together they will be boundless and for the first time in her life, Lydia was happy.  


**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my mother tongue so please don't hate me for poor grammar and spelling and word choices. This was originally an attempt at improving my English writing skills but kinda grew into this finished ... Thing. So I decided to post it. Please don't hit me. I love you. :)


End file.
